Researchers in Frankfurt, Germany found that, for men, staring at breasts for 10 minutes a day was equivalent to 30 minutes of aerobic exercise and could potentially increase lifespan by five years. Well congratulations every single man on earth, you’ll all be living longer than nature wanted you to. And also, scientists? I have a feeling men are way ahead of you. I’m pretty sure most guys do this for upwards of…um…all day.
PS – WTF, no lady studies? I, for one, will be conducting my own study, which will consist of me staring at Alexander Skarsgård for hours on end (this may or may not just be me watching True Blood with glasses and a blank clipboard) – I feel better already!
PPS – I’m uncomfortable with the word ‘breasts’ – it feels like it takes several minutes to pronounce. Can we come up with a new name for them? Not anything that already exists, points for creativity!
Oops, several comments/tweets and a call from the boss saying that the ‘Staring At Breasts’ article is fake. 100% true – I apologize! Serves me right for using the *hilarious* @RobDelaney ‘s twitter feed as my scientific source. Still though, I love the fact that someone actually thought to sit down and write this hoax. Germans! *shakes fist* (Next someone will start the rumor that giving hand jobs reverses aging.)
Also, make no mistake, I will be continuing on with my Alexander Skarsgård experiment.